"how's married life?"

Forget the story about the side-by-side photos in the previous posting for just a minute because I have something else on my mind right now.

I have often asked newly married friends, and more recently been on the receiving end of the question, “So, how’s married life?”  (how long after you are married do people continue to ask this question…I’ve never heard anyone ask my parents how married life is treating them? And how do married people not already know the answer to this question?!?...are they trying to rub it in that it’s not always as blissful as you dreamed it would be?!?....I really do enjoy being married…these are simply my thoughts)  

Simple question right?  Maybe, but it comes with a not so simple answer.  Since this blog is partially intended to follow mine and Blaine’s marital journey I thought I’d share with you my latest struggle…

At first when people asked me the “how’s married life” question, I would reply honestly, with “great.”  It is a lot of fun being married to your best friend, BUT it has also been quite the adjustment. These days many couples live together before they are married to test the waters; and I definitely see how this is a prudent decision.  However, Blaine and I decided to get married before we had the opportunity to decide whether or not we enjoyed living together.  (we do, most of the time...when the house is clean and the laundry is done) After the honeymoon my friend Lindsey would ask me “the question” and I would tell her truthfully, that it was great and the only thing Blaine and I had to argue about was shower curtain related.  (Neither of us understood the other’s rationale for pulling the shower curtain to a particular side when exiting the shower, nor could we agree on which way was best.  We have since resolved this issue by opening the shower curtain back up to the “during shower” position upon exit in order to let the water run off and prevent mildew….anway.)  Fast forward 3 months and Lindsey asks if the shower curtain issue continues to be our sole argument.  The response was, “nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, NO!!”  (Now, let me say this…Blaine and I are fine and happily married…so don’t worry!!) 

Of course, when you get married one important topic is whether or not you will join financial forces.   One of the first things we did after tying the knot was open a joint checking account.  The plan was for us to both maintain a separate checking account for our “allowance,” which we could spend on whatever we wanted with no scrutiny from the other party.  The joint account is  was (probably still IS) for us to pay all bills, household expenses, dining out, etc.  The plan also included a savings provision; a good chunk of our joint money was is to go into savings.  However, so far the “savings” portion has failed to meet my expectations.  Even though I can see on our bank statements where the money is going, I do not know where it is going!!!!! 

So, today I have come up with a plan….a roommate style savings plan. You can probably figure out what this means, so rather than boring you with the details of my plan, I will explain my rationale for it...in addition to what I’ve already explained.

1.  I can live off of very little.  (I am very frugal, which is one of the many, many things I got from my father) One of these examples I feel silly about…guess which one… (actually I feel kinda silly about 2 of them; but one more so than the other) 

Example A: during college I participated in an unpaid internship at Lowe’s Motor Speedway and had to move from Boone, NC to Charlotte NC for the summer.  I got an apartment in Charlotte (and was still paying my rent in Boone, btw) and one weekend my friend Brooke Whitney came to visit me.  In my efforts to keep my bills to a minimum (and I mean minimum) I instructed Brooke not to turn on any lights until I got back to the apartment.  If anyone wanted to enjoy the luxury of light…they were going to do it when I was there to enjoy it with them.

Example B:  when I was in law school I had a townhouse close to downtown Greensboro, NC.  The electric bill covered the electricity that powered the air conditioner and the hot water and heat was through the gas company (there is quite possibly a better way of explaining that).  When I got my first true heating bill I about had a melt down.  I decided to boycott the gas company…I’d show them.  I turned my heat off for a month until my house was between 55 and 60 degrees and I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I showed 'em alright...all $135 in savings...I bet they had an efficiency meeting about that.  But you see, the point is...I am willing to go without heat.

Example C:  also when I was in law school (law school doesn’t pay…in many ways, but I won’t go there today) I had digital cable on two televisions, both with DVR (like I needed all that), internet and digital phone for the first two years.  Then for my third year I decided $150/month was a rip-off.  I turned off my cable, internet and phone.  Many of my friends were positive I wouldn’t last more than a month without these luxuries.  However, between renting no fewer than 3 movies at the Redbox each weekend, watching The Best of ‘Friends’ (I never got in to Friends when it was on tv, and I’m not even sure how I got the ‘best of’ disc set, but now I could tell you pretty much every word on each episode contained in the 'best of' box set), Jenzilla coming to my house nightly, my neighbor Andy and my next door neighbor who gave me their wireless internet password, I made it the entire third year without cable.  Not only did I not have cable though, I didn’t even have bunny ears to intercept local channels.  Hence, I can go without tv and enjoy the pure entertainment I provide for myself.

2.  I don’t need to eat as much as Blaine; nor do I spend $30 on a hunk of meat.  Since we married and started living together, Blaine and I have consistently spent a certain amount on groceries.  One weekend we were going out of town to visit some of my law school friends so I instructed told Blaine we didn't need to go to the grocery store before we were leaving for the weekend.  (I realize it wasn't like we were leaving for a week, but I still didn't think we should go until we got back)  So Blaine goes to the store anyway and gets our normal amount of food, including a $30 hunk of meat.  He was so proud of himself; and I was less than thrilled.  (If you have ever seen me eat any piece of meat, you know why I could do without....possibly a tale for another day...and this example is pretty pathetic, but I share it nonetheless)

3.  I have the motivation to save.  It’s in my blood.  I have always been kind of a money-hoarder.  It's like I enjoy collecting it.  I really don't care about saving it for anything in particular, I just would rather keep it than spend it.  Right now though, I do have a purpose for my savings and I was hoping Blaine was on board.  He is actually on board in theory, not so much in practice.

So, since neither of us can figure out where our money is going...I will take it upon myself to hoard save the good chunk.  One more marital problem resolved pending success.